Name: John (w/ H)

Role in Band: Keyboards/Drums/Musical Composition

Bio: ...It is useless to attempt to represent even a fragment of what I am with words - but this is obvious. All the same, I have to wonder what fascinates people about each other; does a written account of one's personality and interests assure some readers that they are not altogether alone in their ways of life, and are therefore living "right" (though seeing people with differing ways does not serve to disprove this notion)? Does it act to quiet a secret fear that most people share - that we are all alone in a world of machines programmed to act only for their own good? Or is it nothing but a shameless act of vanity on part of the writer - showcasing his or her traits, selectively, in order to paint a charming image of one's self or better yet - and I believe closer to the truth - to confirm one's own existence as a personality?

Are any of these questions important? To me, it is rather the fact that they can be asked that is beautiful. I asked these questions not to cause those who write such articles guilt (after all, then I would have to question my own writing, wouldn't I!) but rather to illustrate my love for the nuances of humanity which can be glanced at briefly but never satisfactorily examined; there is never one simple reason for anything, and there is no guarantee that any reason we find for anything is "true" anyway.

I find that the prior paragraphs are a slightly inadequate preamble to the subject of this writing, as they paint a rather bleak picture of my view of humanity, as well as my self. I shall summarize that which I attempted to summarize above thus...

Love, hate, greed and generosity, schadenfreude and compassion, the barbaric and the refined, the superficial and the complex, the haves and the have-nots, the practical and especially - and this is very dear to my heart - that which is created sheerly for it's own sake - these, and particularly the conflicts between those which oppose one another, are what I live for. I love all of these things unconditionally, but especially those which society has shunned; for these need the most love, and their deaths (which parts of society have attempted to bring about) would, of course, bring about the fall of their "partners". By this I do not mean that I am full of hate, greed and everything else that humankind views as "evil" (but never ceases to perpetrate) but rather, I am not one to allow traditional "morals" to crush all of that which is intelligent, new, and unique, and I rather encourage a balance between opposing forces at all times. Without tears, laughter could never exist; without greed, generosity would not be viewed as any great feat, or anything at all for that matter.

But kindly disregard this floundering; the topic I have attempted to illustrate is the most difficult that I can imagine to have to put into words. I shall continue with my love of that which exists for its own sake. These are things which do not assist the gathering of food, which do not make manual labor any easier, which do not keep the jaws of death away. To illustrate my point I shall cite the ideal example (I can think of but one other): Art. Microcosm mirrors macrocosm as humans create "objects", which are ends in and of themselves, in beautiful attempts to become gods (it was in fact a derivative of this, plus great fear and myriad other factors, which led humans to create "God" in the first place!). Just as man's existence needs no justification (its justification would require recourse to religion - and that's no good for the true individuals among us!) nor does music need to be patted on the head by the rational and told that it is practical. This is as close as I can get to a rational explanation of my love of art; to say anything else would force me outside of the realm of my knowledge.

But enough about that; I suppose I should state a few basic things a little bit more simply, such as my individual tastes. I have been called both coldly stoic and fiercely passionate at times; I am partial to neither description, for I am dynamic and, as I said above, I am equally fond of both traits. I can appreciate almost any philosophy, from that of Buddhist monks to that of Ulrich Zwingli to that of Kierkegaard, but the philosophy which I hold is distinctly mine and mine alone. I am perhaps a nihilist and atheist, but I scoff at the black pessimism generally associated with both of those terms. I am in fact quite apart from both of these definitions, which have grown to mean something quite different from what they did when they were first instated, but the ways in which I differ are quite difficult to put into words. Suffice it to say that, as I said before, I am full of affection for everything, especially "conflict", the essence of all change and progress, and art. I strive constantly for knowledge above everything else, and view it to be the only way to achieve total "perfection". I do not consider myself to be "above" anything which could possibly influence me; and so I am constantly strengthened by every experience and person that I meet, and am totally open-minded. Though I've had many interests throughout my life, none of them have disappeared; I'm fascinated by science (especially genetics), literature, psychology and more than is possible to list here... I don't believe, as so many people do, in simple "black and white" relationships, specifically that which society refers to as "good and evil". If I could be said to "hate" anything, it would be weakness of spirit; though it is needed for "strength" to exist, it is a quality which I have seen within myself and crushed like the insignificant worm that it is.

As music is my chosen profession, I must say something of it! It hasn't been long since I became a true musician - only since perhaps March of 1998. I had appreciated music to an extent beforehand - composing in my free time, though none of my work was worth anything except for the effort that went into it, and being a percussionist and pianist, albeit not a grand one by any means. Dave introduced me to certain aspects of music which I had not known of, and fascinated by its depth and sheer power, I chose to make music my life; I had found my niche, so to speak. Since then I have been largely self-trained, having learned most of the intricacies of music theory and striving to be the ultimate composer of my time - but now, as never before, I have struggled to perfect my work a la Brahms, and shall not allow anything mediocre to see the light of day. I'm currently a relatively advanced pianist and a functioning percussionist, but most of my time is spent locked in my study, poring over the scores of the great masters. My personal musical influences have been my parents and Dave; without any one of them I would most likely have been deprived of some invaluable resource and would thus be musically immature. However, extensive praise causes jading and makes one subordinate to others; therefore I will say no more on the subject. I thank them all; that is it.

My passionate neutrality and love of conflict have, it seems, aroused more general rage than simple "sin" would have (as if such a thing truly exists!); people have, of course, referred to me as being "evil" on more than one occasion. Guess what! The name stuck! This is why I am called a dark angel... but to put it less dramatically and more accurately, I am simply an iconoclast, a man made completely of his own accord, influenced by everything and owing allegiance to nothing - and one whose happiness is total and complete, whose passions are constantly burning and yet repressed by a refined intellect (if I may flatter myself in this way), who will never be satisfied with mediocrity in his work; one who is just as fond of sadness as he is of its counterpart, and one who will never cease to see the beauty in a struggle against impossible odds. Though it barely brushes the surface of the field I should wish to cover, this humble offering (or perhaps tribute to vanity - but it was not meant this way, I assure you!) is all that is within my power to present. Hopefully it is not altogether uninteresting; this is the only end I could strive to reach as I wrote, as I am aware that such information is of no use to anyone - and it is well that it isn't! Man's life is an end in and of itself - this is the only reason I can gather for such writing - and it is with this thought that I depart.

Music stuff: Bands and stuff that I like - Rush, Yes, Depeche Mode, Led Zeppelin, Jethro Tull, the Talking Heads, Chicago, Blind Guardian, Soundgarden, Cream, the Alan Parsons Project, the Doors, P-Funk, John Coltrane, Benny Goodman, Dave Brubeck, Glen Miller, Artie Shaw, Earth, Wind and Fire, Chuck Mangione, and all kinds of other stuff... mainly jazz, funk and 70s stuff...

Classical composers: I'll just mention some and the others will be assumed... Antonin Dvorak, Scriabin, Bartok, Stravinsky, Sans-Saens, Liszt, Chopin, Mussorgsky, Borodin, Glazunov, Ravel, Debussy, Brahms, Karl Orff, Gustav Holst, Rimsky-Korsakov, Rachmaninoff, Vincent Persichetti, Tchaikovsky, Prokofiev, Shostakovich, Elgar, Faure, Berlioz... the list goes on and on...

I don't want to give too much more away! Otherwise I won't be fun and exciting any more!

I have few memories of the time before I became a true musician, and not long after that, a member of that which we call "Mindstrings". I was a wanderer; a man of many talents who found no purpose in any of them. But such things cannot help but to come to an end; whether the end they meet is for better or for worse, is, sadly, up to "fate".

It just so happened that my path intersected with that of a fellow who I had known for years, but never particularly cared for (the feeling was mutual), the one and only Dave Cohen. It is uncertain why Dave and I were suddenly compatible then where we had not been for years beforehand. All I recall was that I had recently, within a year of my chance meeting with Dave, become interested in composition; a field which apparently Dave had delved into as well. Anyway, it wasnt long before we were allies; and my fondness of music skyrocketed and became an all-consuming occupation which I never tired of. Regardless, I was eventually sucked into Dave's band, called something like "Nympholeptia" at the time, as the keyboardist, drummer, and resident dark angel. He had shown me a great deal of his own compositions beforehand; they were really why I joined the band. When our band got together to practice and all we played were covers of the Cure, I began to grow weary, sensing that the band was going nowhere...which, at the time, it was. We lacked the personnel and universal motivation to do anything. There were a few minor problems among band members, myself of course being a culprit, and eventually, once I had tired of the pizzicato strings in Lullaby and the ostinato rhythm of the Figurehead, I tossed Nympholeptia behind me like an old and worthless toy, sickened by the waste of potential which I then viewed it as. It was thus that the first phase of Mindstrings drew to a close, at least for me.

However, it didn't take long for this event and others to prompt my comrades to start working on making Mindstrings what it is today. Dave and Jon, who I have unjustly neglected to mention, had been working on some of Dave's original songs, and trying to get Rich in gear with relatively little success. I was lucky that my general area lacked proficient keyboardists, drummers, and especially dark angels, because seeing my fellow's progress I of course wanted back in, finally seeing a point to it all. After an only semi-successful attempt to kill God, I rejoined with Jon, Dave and Rich, and was welcomed happily, I think. Finally, we got together at Dave's to practice one of his original songs, Undone (heloves.mid, thank you very much). At that very first practice, the resurrected (and then nameless) band was obviously extremely compatible. It was an instant success; I forgot my plans of eating Rich and Jon (momentarily, at least); I no longer viewed Dave as an expendable vessel for the soul of an ancient evil; everybody was happy.

After another temp had come and gone (though I believe he was quicker to leave than he was to come) I witnessed the glorious advent of the wondrous prophet and guitarist Isaac. He could play everything that Dave threw at him; he didn't solo off the scale every 5 seconds; he could fingerpick; he appeased the band's resident dark angel with joyous tales; he had a cool car and liked Chrono Trigger. The crazy Arabian guy who would round out our band had appeared; if miracles existed, it would have been one.

And this is the stage that the throbbing fleshless entity "Mindstrings" is currently at; a stage full of potential and crazed hunger for human souls. To me, a vagrant whose position started out as a temporary one, Mindstrings has come to truly mean something. To me, Mindstrings is a wife stealer, a home wrecker, a compulsive gambler, a huge eyeless thing in the night...and so much more. But most importantly, for a nomadic dark angel with mysterious origins, it is home, at least for now. It is with these people, and with our music, that I shall share what is most important to this dark angel - "the delightful and always novel pleasure of a useless occupation".